Here We Go Again

Hi there... well I have to say I'm a bit embarrassed to have to be posting this AGAIN, but,
 I failed. I'll willingly admit that. I've been having a lot of struggles lately (mostly mental and emotional, which typically lead to some sort of physical after-math) and it was really thrown me off course, to say the least. As everyone knows, I went to Chicago last week. Before leaving, things were stressed between Branden and I, which put another level of anxiety on top of everything else (traveling, leaving Nora, work in general etc). Then, once I was there, my brain just kind of went down hill. I got really depressed and was totally lathargic the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like suicidal or anything by any means, but I was far more noticably depressed than I've been in a long time. I was totally tired the whole time, all I wanted to do was eat, drink and lay. I feel like I'm going through some sort of identity crisis and I honestly don't know which step is the right one to take. I'm unhappy with where I am in most areas of my life, and desperately want to get myself in the right place... but the GIANT question, how do I go about doing that? Is it time for a career change? Is it time for a residence change? Or should I get a tattoo of a peacock on my foot and hope that will bring along some sort of revelation? Okay, I'm not going to do any of those things any time soon but I'm just feeling incredibly.... blah. I've noticed that I've lost a lot of fire for my 'Losing Path' as well. One would think that after having a great week and hitting the 50lb mark that my engines would be so revved no one could stop me... but unfortunately, that's not the case. I feel like I walk into the gym (which, I will say, I haven't done all week) and I get on a treadmill and then... don't know what to do. As busy as work is right now, I don't have the time to put together any organizaed workouts and Lord knows I don't make enough money to hire a personal trainer so I've gotten very discouraged. On the bright side, I did finally voice all of this anxiety to Branden and he said that he would start putting workouts together for me again so that made me feel much better. Also, I went over to my inlaw's house for dinner last night and with my mother-in-law being a vegetarian, it kind of lit a fire under my ass to start working more on vegetarian recipes and keeping myself excited! I know I've said it a million times before, that I'm the only one who can control my attitude about things... but dammit sometimes it's not so easy to be positive. I plan to take advantage of this week a-new and re-focus. I'm going to go back and re-read parts of 'The Kind Diet', which is what spawned my transition into vegetarianism... I'm going to flip through as many fitness magazines as possible and set a goal for myself (ie, 9minute mile by Christmas etc)... and I'm going to go back and read some of my previous posts to remind myself why I started this whole journey in the first place. I'd appreciate any positive and motivating thoughts, if you have any extras sitting around :)
I don't really think it's necessary to post my food intake, as it has been less than stellar and to be honest, I probably couldn't remember it all if I tried. I know I've gained since before Chicago, but I plan to turn that around ASAP.
It's strange how guilty this blog can make me feel lol... but that's part of the reason that I started it. Part of the duty of this is to be a sort of accountability partner... and when I let that partner down, I feel it. I hope that my readers don't lost faith in me... I'm convinced that this is just another bump in the road that will only make my end result taste that much sweeter :) (which, of course, will involve no sugar lol)

I hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful fall weather... and you'll be hearing from me tomorrow. I promise.