The Honest Truth.. and Easter

Hi, sorry for the epic blog fail that was last week.  I had a terrible week last week.  I was overly exhausted, which led to lack of motivation, discipline and will power.  Needless to say, I ate inappropriately (mostly in the way of sweet treats) didn't go to the gym and was in a foul mood for the most of the week.  With age, (although I'm only 23, I have the wisdom and life experience of someone far older) I've come to realize just how important and adequate amount of sleep really is.  One week later, my decision to give up drinking (in excess) has proven itself to be all the more wise.  I know it may seem as if I'm making too big a deal out of this not-getting-hammered thing, but for those of you who don't know me (or those that do and just forgot), prior to getting pregnant with Nora, my life was nothing but a big party.. pretty much from my Senior year until that point.  I drank probably 5 days a week, stayed up all night and cared about nothing more than boys and party time.  Looking back, it seems like it's been forever since that place in my life.  I'm confident that a lot of it was based on my insecurities and trying to fill a void that I wasn't yet wise enough to fill myself.  Being overweight my entire life has been... an adventure.  Well, adventure is probably not the correct word because besides typically being warmer than everyone else in the winter, there isn't really any positive side to it.  Let's be honest, it's been terrible.  Though, I will give it to myself, I've rarely let it hold me back.  I was a cheerleader for 13 years for goodness sake.  Even through the ridicule and harassment from other kids in school (along with some fellow asshole cheerleaders), I loved cheerleading SO much and I was really good.. so I stuck with it... and I was eventually awarded the title of UCA (Universal Cheerleaders Association) Allstar.  I've played softball, basketball, done track, dance - all while having this giant body(burden) to carry around.  I've finally come to the realization that my weight problem really cannot be blamed on anyone but myself.  I've found that overweight people are very quick to blame others for their physical issues.. "My mom fed me crappy food", "No one told me it was bad".. but my mom fed us healthy food and taught me to cook healthy food, I simply chose not to listen.  I gained the most weight and reached my heaviest when Branden and I dated the first time.  Over a year and a half, I gained close to 70 pounds and ballooned up to 343 pounds (my heaviest recorded weight - never told anyone before!).  At that point, I went to see a surgical weightloss doctor because I just could NOT believe that I had let my life get so incredibly out of control.  I never could push myself to go through with the surgery because a) Modern medicine makes me nervous and b) I didn't want to have to admit to anyone that I needed the surgery.  Knowing that I'm fat and saying that I'm fat are 2 incredibly different things that I've had a VERY difficult time dealing with. 
Another thing I've finally come to terms(for lack of better word) with is that fact that I have an eating disorder.  People often fail to realize that over-eating is just as much of an eating disorder as under-eating.  This is the point that people who have never had any weight issues would simply scoff and assume I'm just lazy and am making excuses to be fat, when in actuality, it's driving me mad.  Food is an addiction just as much as any other drug, it just happens to be far more accessible.  I've often wondered why it's SO hard for me to turn away from a plate or pass by the sweet treats at work as some of my other co-workers do?  Why before I saw that piece of chocolate, I had absolutely no desire for it, but now that's it's passed my line of sight - I can't think of anything else and I NEED it - maybe 2 pieces.  I'm considering trying hypnotherapy.  It can help people quit smoking, maybe it could help me quit eating? (not completely, of course)  I often dream about the day that I don't spend time thinking about food.  It always messes with my head when I'm eating lunch and I find myself thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner!  I hope/pray there is an end in the near future to all of this.. I want Nora to grow up and learn good habits.  I'm so terrified that she will grow up and have a weight problem and have to live through the life that I have.  I catch a lot of flack from people because I refuse to let her eat any sweet/fried/pre-packaged foods or drink juice - but I just cannot fathom putting those things into my child's body knowing what they did to mine.

Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent there and this post definitely took a turn to serious town.  Honestly, I'm glad it did.  I vowed to make this post an honest tell-tale of my "Losing Path" and I think it's important to have a bit of back-story in order to appreciate the present. 

Anyway - Easter was yesterday!  Nora had a wonderful Easter, I made her a pretty basket full of fun toys and my mom got her some new squeaky shoes (love them!) among other things.  My father-in-law actually brought a basket over for her too so she was a little spoiled yesterday :) (all candy-free, of course!)

Easter Menu:
Starters:
Fruit (Pineapple, Strawberries, Blue Berries, Cantaloupe and Grapes) with a Lemon dipping sauce:
1/2c FF Greek Yogurt
1/2c FF Sour Cream
1/2pkg Sugar Free Lemon Pudding
1tsp Powdered Sugar
Veggies (Bell Pepper, Green Beans, Cherry Tomatoes, Cucumber and Carrots) with a Ranch dipping sauce:
1/2c FF Greek Yogurt
1/2c FF Sour Cream
1/4pkg Dry Ranch Mix
1squeeze Lemon Juice
2tbs Cucumber Ranch Dressing

Salad:
Spinach and Strawberry Salad:
Baby Spinach
Sliced Strawberries
Sliced Red Onion
Chopped Green Apple
Feta Cheese
Pecans
Craisins
FF Raspberry Vinaigrette

Pork Medallions:
Pork Tenderloin, Fat trimmed and cut into medallions marinated in Mrs. Dash salt-free zesty garlic marinade, orange juice and a little BBQ - grilled

Herbed Potato Salad:
Potatoes, cut into chunks and boiled to fork-tender, sprinkle 3 tbs White Wine Vinegar over potatoes while chilling
1/2c FF Greek Yogurt
1/4c FF Sour Cream
Squeeze Lemon Juice
1tbs Chopped Fresh Dill
2tbs Chopped Fresh Parsley
2 Cloves Garlic, minced
S&P to taste
Let potatoes chill to room temp, toss-in yogurt mixture

Green Beans with Roasted Onion Vinaigrette:
Green Beans, blanched
2tbs EVOO
3tbs White Wine Vinegar
2tbs Stone Ground Mustard
2 Cloves Garlic, Minced
S&P to taste
4 Onions, EVOO and a sprig of thyme wrapped in foil and roasted at 400 for 1 hour. Cool a bit, chop and mix with vinaigrette.  Toss with Beans

Whole Grain Rolls:
Pre-made (time/convenience - I'm not a bread maker) whole grain rolls, split down the center before baking.  Spooned-in a little Basil Pesto, brushed with a little unsalted butter and sprinkled grated Parmesan over. Baked according to directions (400 for 15 or so)

Dessert:
Fruit Trifle:
1pkg Lady Fingers Cookies
2tbs Sugar/Fat Free Whipped Topping
2 1.5oz Sugar/Fat Free Vanilla Pudding
1 FF Cream Cheese, softened
1can Strawberry Nectar, chilled (Mexican aisle)
2 Cups Orange Juice
Strawberries
Raspberries
White Chocolate

Soak 1/2 pkg lady fingers in orange juice (I used 9x13 baking dish for this)
While soaking, whip Strawberry Nectar and pudding for 2 minutes in small/medium bowl. 
In large bowl, beat cream cheese until smooth. 
Add 2tbs Orange Juice to cream cheese
Beat Pudding into Cream Cheese
Lay 1st layer of lady fingers into bottom of dish.(put other 1/2 into OJ to soak)
Slice strawberries and raspberries and layer 1/2 on top of lady fingers.
Grate a little white chocolate over berries.
Layer 1/2 of pudding mixture over white chocolate.
Layer 2nd 1/2 of lady fingers over pudding
Another layer of fruit, white chocolate and pudding.
Top with a generous layer of whipped topping and garnish with berries
Refrigerate at least 1 hour before serving

It was yummy and all seemed to be pretty pleased.  Grammy couldn't get through a holiday without cooking so she made hot slaw, deviled eggs, a small beef roast, a tiny ham and baked beans. Don't ask.

I DID get to the gym today.  I did my legs workout as reported last Tuesday.  I'm determined to get in there everyday this week and test out this new workout routine I created.

Menu Today:
Breakfast:
Choc Protein w/ Skim Milk
1 WW Waffle w/ Natural Pnut Butter

Snack:
FF Vanilla Yogurt w/ raspberries and grahams

Lunch:
Leftovers from yesterday

Snack:
String cheese and raw organic almonds

Dinner:
Turkey Chili (same recipe as last week - subbing 1 can of pinto beans for brown rice)

I would love to get down to Rabbit Hash to bellydance tonight but we'll see how the weather/schedule is going when I get off of work.

Sorry this post has been MAJORLY long but after almost a week of no posts.. I had a lot to say :)


Well, until tomorrow.. (I'll post weight then, I've been avoiding the scale)