What makes a fat person fat? Why can't that person just stop eating bad things or large quantities of foods if they know it's bad for them? Well, they're obviously just lazy, right? Not necessarily. Far too many times have I heard this excuse/blame given to overweight people - that they are fat because they are lazy or they simply don't care about or respect themselves. Sure, some people don't give a shit and just like to eat food because it tastes good... and then there are people that DON'T want to eat the food, but have a huge struggle between what their brain knows and the power of what their brain wants, and don't always win the battle. I am one of those people. I am an addict.
Food addiction is a real thing, my friends. I have struggled with the beast my entire life - and will continue to do so for the rest of my existence. Science has proven that, in certain people, certain types of foods can cause the same brain reaction as a highly addictive drug like heroin or cocaine. As with the drugs, the foods trigger increased transmission of 'feel-good' chemicals such as dopamine in the brain, which gives the immediate urge to eat again. And again. And that urge is strong. I've spent my entire life over-eating and not understanding why. Not understanding why my brain would focus so hard on an item of food and not allow any thought to overcome the desire for that food until I ate it - and the feeling that happened in my brain once I ate whatever it was (and this is regardless of whether or not I was actually hungry). Not understanding why everyone else could just have "a bite" or "a taste" of a piece of cake, and my brain would almost hurt if I didn't finish the entire thing. I would cry myself to sleep at night because I hated who I was and what my body had become/was becoming, but I felt completely powerless over what was happening. Being a teenager sucked. As I grew older and I became more knowledgeable about this topic and started to understand more about myself and my addiction, I quickly realized how hard I was going to have to work for the rest of my life to overcome this obstacle.
Food addiction is a tricky thing in a few ways:
- Food is the most widely available drug in the world. Unlike any other controlled substance, it is something that can be attained nearly anywhere, by anyone, in any quantity and is constantly pushed in your face by advertising. Especially in America, the land of plenty, it is often used as a marketing tool or incentive (complimentary meals/food items, etc), not to mention it is a means of celebration.
- You have to have food to live. It's that simple. Unlike most of the other common addictions, to quit cold turkey is an option. To remove yourself from an enigmatic environment is an option. Not with food. This is the most tricky (and irritating) part of this addiction - for myself, at least.
My relationship with food is interesting, to say the least. I have learned that I must instill certain restrictions on myself in order to no longer allow the food to control me, but rather I control the food. Two years ago I transitioned into veganism. This choice wasn't made because I care about furry animals, it was made because I wanted to feel better. By going vegan, I kind of set a trap within my body. If I eat shit - I will feel like shit. If I give-in to the temptation of a cookie or unhealthy/conventional food, I will be punished for that poor decision almost immediately with a giant headache, nausea and sometimes even slight tightening in my throat. While this may sound extreme to some, it works for me. True to my masochistic ways, I have chosen a career that challenges my addiction every. single. day. I have chosen to be a chef and surround myself by my drug. So often I'm asked the question, "how do you not eat everything you cook?!" Well, because I know I can't. Because I know I don't want the 'dairy hangover' that comes within 10 minutes, and follows through to the next morning.
Don't get me wrong - I don't have this thing all figured out. As with any addict, I have my good days and my bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. I was tired, I was upset, I was not in control of my mind. I ate a bunch of shit I shouldn't have eaten and then I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck and couldn't remember WHY I did that to myself. I have accepted the fact that days like these may come, but I intend to be as prepared as possible.
Why did I write this? I didn't write this to provide an excuse for myself - or for anyone else, for that matter. I wrote this because I know there are people out there that have never even considered that this is an actual thing. That this addiction even exists. Because I have encountered so many times in my life when people very close to me have said "then just don't eat it." as if it were that simple. I have accepted and feel that I have a control over my addiction and have no problem speaking about it. I also wrote this because I know that there are people that struggle with the same issue, but are too embarrassed to speak.
Roughly two and a half years ago I began my Losing Path and through discipline and determination, have managed to lose around 110 pounds, despite this obstacle. Has it been easy? Hell no. Am I happy I'm doing it? Absolutely. I hope to some day spend my life helping other people do the same
