My weight, that is. I weighed myself this morning and despite the ridiculous amount of abuse I've put my body through over the last week, I've lost about 3lbs! It's nice to see the numbers heading back in the right direction.
After last week's week-long birthday celebration, I am definitely taking a break and trying to cleanse a bit! I had loads of fun with loads of booze, friends and food... and now it's time to get back to reality.
Goals for this week:
1. Drink nothing but water and green tea and drink a LOT of it!
2. Eat plenty of water-rich foods (watermelon, cucumber etc)
3. Workout at least 4 times (in the gym) and take at least 2 evening walks with Nora
4. Get my shit together for getting into school! Transcripts, testing etc
5. Lose another 3lbs (or more)
6. Go to sleep before 10pm
I'm usually not very good at writing down my goals but I'm going to start doing this more often and hope that it helps to keep me on track and focused!
I didn't go to the gym this morning, my body is still recovering from the past week of too much fun. I plan to drink loads and loads of water today to re-hydrate and get myself together so I'm ready to hit it tomorrow!
At this point, the only thing I've eaten today is a handful of blackberries but my mom and I are getting ready to go to the store to get some yummy veggies and such for the week!
Short post today but hopefully more to report tomorrow :) Until then...
Monday, June 18th
Weight: 239lbs
Monday, June 18, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Wednesday 6/13/12
Oh, hello friends!
Here's a quick recap over the last few days....
Monday(my birthday!):
Workout was great! Here's what I did:
It felt awesome! The flutter kicks proved to be a bit challenging but I did my best!
Food Monday:
Breakfast - Banana and organic crunchy almond butter sandwich on toasted sprouted grain bread, Protein shake (vegan choc protein w/ light soymilk)
Lunch - 'Egg Roll Salad' at Melt in Cincy... it was spinach, bean sprouts, toasted almonds, carrots and possibly some other stuff I don't remember with a ginger hoison dressing. Yum :)... oh and I had a vegan chocolate cupcake... it was my birthday!!
Dinner - WW spaghetti w/ zucchini, onion, mushroom and garlic spaghetti sauce
In addition to this food, I also did an olive oil and vinegar tasting and had some bread with the olive oil.
Monday night I went out planning to just have "a" cocktail and, well... it turned into a few.
Tuesday I woke up feeling a bit under the weather so did not go to the gym BUT I did go canoeing for 8 freaking hours and damnit I probably burned more calories than if I had gone to the gym! I had an iced vanilla soy latte in the morning and (embarrassed to say) white castle fries for breakfast... hello hangover food! The canoe trip was a total surprise (from my awesome sister!) so I was not prepared with food.... SO whilst canoeing all I had to eat was some Grippo's bbq chips and some pistachios then after we got back to Florence, Kristen(sister) and I went to Acapulco and I had 1/2 of a veggie taco salad and some rice and beans. (no cheese or sour cream of course) Then immediately home and to bed!
Today, again I again didn't go to the gym as I woke up still completely exhausted and sore from yesterday's canoe excursions. I ate my leftovers from Acapulco for breakfast (breakfast of champs, I know) then a footlong veggie sandwich from subway for lunch (all veggies other than olives on oat bread w/ red wine vinegar and oregano) then I made Pad Thai Salad for dinner. Totes yummy. Oh and Nora and I made some vegan cupcakes today so... yeah, had some.
I really need to buckle down on the food that I'm eating. An issue with being home all the time now is that I just graze in the kitchen... I'm kinda bored so I snack. A bite here, a bite there and before you know it I've killed a tub of hummus or a jar of salsa. Granted, there are certainly worse things I could be eating but still.. I just kind of feel like shit all of the time now and I need to focus on what's going into my body. I knew that this week would be slightly abusive on the nutritional front (birthday celebrations all week long!) but that is all the more reason to be more mindful during the day of what's going on with it. Tomorrow night I'm going to 'Thirsty Thursday' at the Florence Freedom Ballpark and will be having some beers with some friends and then Saturday night we're going out for the official Birthday celebration! A lot more drinking than I normally have in my week but it doesn't happen often.
Overall I'm feeling a little... meh. I'm happy to be back in the gym and start to get my schedule back in line but I'm still feeling quite lonely and just gross. I know that it's no one's fault but my own for letting myself slip so far off of the edge but it's still hard to feel this way. Oh well, I'm sure I'll feel better after a good workout tomorrow.
On a lighter note, I just recently ordered and received the Destiny's Child 'Writings on the Wall' and the new Usher CDs (still waiting for my TLC 'Fanmail' CD to be delivered!) and also new running shoes! Yes, I still buy CDs... and they are awesome! :)
I've been going back and looking at the meal plans that I was following when I was doing really well with everything so I'm going to start getting back to it... and I will be putting up recipes as well, I just need to get my brain into a slightly more organized place.
Thanks again to everyone sticking with me and I'll post again soon!
Happy Hump Day :)
Here's a quick recap over the last few days....
Monday(my birthday!):
Workout was great! Here's what I did:
| MONDAY | TIME: | 42:00:00 |
| RUN | 1 MILE | |
| 5 ROUNDS OF: | ||
| LAT PULLDOWNS | 10 @ 95# | |
| CABLE ROWS | 10 @ 95# | |
| DB OVERHEAD PRESS | 10 @ 20# | |
| 5 PUSHUPS | ||
| FLUTTER KICKS | 30 SEC | |
| BIKE | 5 MILES |
It felt awesome! The flutter kicks proved to be a bit challenging but I did my best!
Food Monday:
Breakfast - Banana and organic crunchy almond butter sandwich on toasted sprouted grain bread, Protein shake (vegan choc protein w/ light soymilk)
Lunch - 'Egg Roll Salad' at Melt in Cincy... it was spinach, bean sprouts, toasted almonds, carrots and possibly some other stuff I don't remember with a ginger hoison dressing. Yum :)... oh and I had a vegan chocolate cupcake... it was my birthday!!
Dinner - WW spaghetti w/ zucchini, onion, mushroom and garlic spaghetti sauce
In addition to this food, I also did an olive oil and vinegar tasting and had some bread with the olive oil.
Monday night I went out planning to just have "a" cocktail and, well... it turned into a few.
Tuesday I woke up feeling a bit under the weather so did not go to the gym BUT I did go canoeing for 8 freaking hours and damnit I probably burned more calories than if I had gone to the gym! I had an iced vanilla soy latte in the morning and (embarrassed to say) white castle fries for breakfast... hello hangover food! The canoe trip was a total surprise (from my awesome sister!) so I was not prepared with food.... SO whilst canoeing all I had to eat was some Grippo's bbq chips and some pistachios then after we got back to Florence, Kristen(sister) and I went to Acapulco and I had 1/2 of a veggie taco salad and some rice and beans. (no cheese or sour cream of course) Then immediately home and to bed!
Today, again I again didn't go to the gym as I woke up still completely exhausted and sore from yesterday's canoe excursions. I ate my leftovers from Acapulco for breakfast (breakfast of champs, I know) then a footlong veggie sandwich from subway for lunch (all veggies other than olives on oat bread w/ red wine vinegar and oregano) then I made Pad Thai Salad for dinner. Totes yummy. Oh and Nora and I made some vegan cupcakes today so... yeah, had some.
I really need to buckle down on the food that I'm eating. An issue with being home all the time now is that I just graze in the kitchen... I'm kinda bored so I snack. A bite here, a bite there and before you know it I've killed a tub of hummus or a jar of salsa. Granted, there are certainly worse things I could be eating but still.. I just kind of feel like shit all of the time now and I need to focus on what's going into my body. I knew that this week would be slightly abusive on the nutritional front (birthday celebrations all week long!) but that is all the more reason to be more mindful during the day of what's going on with it. Tomorrow night I'm going to 'Thirsty Thursday' at the Florence Freedom Ballpark and will be having some beers with some friends and then Saturday night we're going out for the official Birthday celebration! A lot more drinking than I normally have in my week but it doesn't happen often.
Overall I'm feeling a little... meh. I'm happy to be back in the gym and start to get my schedule back in line but I'm still feeling quite lonely and just gross. I know that it's no one's fault but my own for letting myself slip so far off of the edge but it's still hard to feel this way. Oh well, I'm sure I'll feel better after a good workout tomorrow.
On a lighter note, I just recently ordered and received the Destiny's Child 'Writings on the Wall' and the new Usher CDs (still waiting for my TLC 'Fanmail' CD to be delivered!) and also new running shoes! Yes, I still buy CDs... and they are awesome! :)
I've been going back and looking at the meal plans that I was following when I was doing really well with everything so I'm going to start getting back to it... and I will be putting up recipes as well, I just need to get my brain into a slightly more organized place.
Thanks again to everyone sticking with me and I'll post again soon!
Happy Hump Day :)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
It's Only Up-Hill from Here! 6/9/12
Aaand, she's back from the dead. 'Dead' is as good of a word as any to describe my mental/emotional status for the last couple of months. The myriad of shit that has been going on has been absolutely nothing short of depressing/exhausting/infuriating/maddening... but I am beyond happy to say that I believe things are finally starting to look up! Here's a very brief catch-up:
1. Branden and I are still separated.
2. I was fired from my job for an absolute bullshit/vague reason.
3. I'm still practiving veganism, though not eating as nutritionally well as I should. (energy level, complexion and nail strength are showing effects of this)
4. Nora and I have moved in with my parents.
5. It's turning out to be a beautiful summer.
6. I've gained 10lbs back.
WELL, now that we're all up to speed, I'm very happy to report that I am really feeling like I'm back in my groove again. I've just completed a week of good ass-busting workouts and I've been working on getting my nutrition back to where it needs to be, though it is still a work-in-progress. (Though honestly, isn't it always?) This week I've mostly been working on getting back into the workouts and kind of testing my fitness level so they haven't all been greatly organized, but on Monday I... have a plan...
I've been running 1 mile at the beginning of each workout this week and I like it so I'm going to continue to do that.
Here's the workout that I did yesterday:
Warm-up: Run 1 Mile
Squats 4(sets) x 12(reps) x 65(lbs)
Kneeling Squats 4 x 12 x 65
Switch Step 4 x 30 seconds
Good Mornings 4 x 12 x 65
Calf Raises 4 x 12(straight)/6(toes in)/6(toes out) x 45
Flutter Kicks 2 x 30 seconds
Plank 2 x 30 seconds
Cool Down(not really cool): Bike 5 Miles
Feeling pretty good after that one!
On Monday I'm going to continue to begin each workout with running 1 mile and then I'm going to incorporate the Crossfit-style workouts that I've done before. It seems that those workouts were the most effective when it came to visibly seeing the improvement in my body, so I'm going to do that again but with the extra cardio. I'm excited!
I'm trying to look at things in a more positive light and take advantage of the positive opportunity given in any situation. I'm determined to make this summer the best one yet! I was really pissed off when I was fired for my job at first, mostly because of the way I was dismissed after having worked my ass off for them for 5 years... but now, I'm thankful to be gone from there. I realized that I was far more miserable there than I noticed when I was living it and it was holding me back mentally from looking at my life from an honest perspective, since I had such a negative brain all the time. Now that I am free from that negativity, I have decided that it is high time I make my life a life that I actually WANT to live! Not one that I'm forced/obligated to live. That being said, I went and visited the Midwest Culinary Institute at Cincinnati State Technical College a few days ago... I've finally come to the realization that food is my passion. Not just eating, but preparing, providing, nurturing, and healing with food makes me feel alive. I want to learn more about food in all aspects, from seed(where applicable) to the kitchen, and spread this knowledge through cookbooks and eventually opening a restaurant specializing in delicious (and healthy!) vegetarian/vegan foods. Beyond this plan, I also decided tonight that I'm going to start writing a book based upon the knowledge that I've gained while traveling down this Losing Path of mine, in hopes to help someone else change their life for the better.
I realize that this post is a little all over the place but I plan for Monday's post to be right back into the swing of things... brief re-cap with a workout and meal plan listed, as well as any insights/tips which apply. :) OH and Monday is also my birthday, write that down.
As some of you may have seen on my personal Facebook page earlier, I was having some self-image and self-appreciation issues today. My cousin, who is a really amazing and positive person, has recently come back into my life in a big way and through his help and guidance I've been able to bring my brain into the light, you could say. I've been working on being more positive and loving of myself, but today I had a moment when I wasn't feeling quite so sunny. I was taking Nora for a walk (about 4 miles :) ) and was thinking how great it felt to take an impromptu long walk and get a good sweat and how beneficial it would prove to be, when I passed a parking lot and a swarm of skinny girls with long gorgeous blonde hair, short skirts and high heels stepped out of their car and started walking into a restaurant. The moment I caught sight of them, my entire demeanor dropped and I felt SO negative about myself. I was jealous. I kept thinking to myself, 'man, I wonder what it's like to walk around and look like that all day? Oh, the attention they must get.' Not that I'm some attention-starved whore or anything but let's be honest, every girl likes to hear that they're pretty. My life hasn't exactly been completely void of compliments, I've always been told that I 'have a pretty face' and I'm funny and smart... but the words 'hot', 'sexy' etc were never used to describe me... so it's THAT attention, that which I never received, that I want. My brain/nature is naturally VERY competitive. I want to be the best.. the smartest, the funniest, the best story-teller, the best dressed and - of course - the best looking. I've been working to make all of these things happen and it hurts greatly when an instance such as today occurs and I'm quickly thrown into reality and realize just how far I still have to go.
I had drinks with a friend last weekend and we were talking about body image and it made me realize quite a few things... and just how ignorant we, as a people, really are. My friend is a petite size 2/4, really attractive/funny/smart - the whole package. It was pretty stunning to me to hear how many issues she had with her own body. And she was stunned to hear that being overweight, you have to think/worry about things that the 'normal-sized' person doesn't... like whether or not a bracelet will fit your larger wrist! (this particular point was discussed in detail) Up until recently it never occured to me that a person such as my dear friend would have any reason to have issues with their body... but then I remembered, every person has grown up in their body, and that's the body that they know. We all see our own imperfections far more blatantly than an innocent by-stander. She grew up skinny so she has no reason to think to check the length of a bracelet before trying it on or pay attention to the distance between the table and seat-back in a booth at a restaurant... I don't know how to live my life without immediately thinking of those things. Our minds play cruel tricks on us and our eyes will emphasize something that may not be noticeable at all to others. One thing that my cousin has mentioned multiple times is simply postive self-talk. Wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love you. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable of accomplishing whatever is set in front of you. It's easy to say these things, the hard part comes with believing what you're saying. I'm going to be adding this ritual into my day, and hope that it will help me stay positive.
Anyway! Aside from everything I've mentioned above, this summer is turning out to be a beautiful one! I'm getting to spend so much more time with my Nora and we're both loving it. I decided that I want this summer to be the best one yet so it's up to me to make that happen! And that's exactly what I plan to do. :)
Thank you for your patience and sorry for the rambling... I'm looking forward to having some sort of a normal schedule/life again, including the documentation of my Losing Path for you dear readers. :)
Until Monday, my friends...
1. Branden and I are still separated.
2. I was fired from my job for an absolute bullshit/vague reason.
3. I'm still practiving veganism, though not eating as nutritionally well as I should. (energy level, complexion and nail strength are showing effects of this)
4. Nora and I have moved in with my parents.
5. It's turning out to be a beautiful summer.
6. I've gained 10lbs back.
WELL, now that we're all up to speed, I'm very happy to report that I am really feeling like I'm back in my groove again. I've just completed a week of good ass-busting workouts and I've been working on getting my nutrition back to where it needs to be, though it is still a work-in-progress. (Though honestly, isn't it always?) This week I've mostly been working on getting back into the workouts and kind of testing my fitness level so they haven't all been greatly organized, but on Monday I... have a plan...
I've been running 1 mile at the beginning of each workout this week and I like it so I'm going to continue to do that.
Here's the workout that I did yesterday:
Warm-up: Run 1 Mile
Squats 4(sets) x 12(reps) x 65(lbs)
Kneeling Squats 4 x 12 x 65
Switch Step 4 x 30 seconds
Good Mornings 4 x 12 x 65
Calf Raises 4 x 12(straight)/6(toes in)/6(toes out) x 45
Flutter Kicks 2 x 30 seconds
Plank 2 x 30 seconds
Cool Down(not really cool): Bike 5 Miles
Feeling pretty good after that one!
On Monday I'm going to continue to begin each workout with running 1 mile and then I'm going to incorporate the Crossfit-style workouts that I've done before. It seems that those workouts were the most effective when it came to visibly seeing the improvement in my body, so I'm going to do that again but with the extra cardio. I'm excited!
I'm trying to look at things in a more positive light and take advantage of the positive opportunity given in any situation. I'm determined to make this summer the best one yet! I was really pissed off when I was fired for my job at first, mostly because of the way I was dismissed after having worked my ass off for them for 5 years... but now, I'm thankful to be gone from there. I realized that I was far more miserable there than I noticed when I was living it and it was holding me back mentally from looking at my life from an honest perspective, since I had such a negative brain all the time. Now that I am free from that negativity, I have decided that it is high time I make my life a life that I actually WANT to live! Not one that I'm forced/obligated to live. That being said, I went and visited the Midwest Culinary Institute at Cincinnati State Technical College a few days ago... I've finally come to the realization that food is my passion. Not just eating, but preparing, providing, nurturing, and healing with food makes me feel alive. I want to learn more about food in all aspects, from seed(where applicable) to the kitchen, and spread this knowledge through cookbooks and eventually opening a restaurant specializing in delicious (and healthy!) vegetarian/vegan foods. Beyond this plan, I also decided tonight that I'm going to start writing a book based upon the knowledge that I've gained while traveling down this Losing Path of mine, in hopes to help someone else change their life for the better.
I realize that this post is a little all over the place but I plan for Monday's post to be right back into the swing of things... brief re-cap with a workout and meal plan listed, as well as any insights/tips which apply. :) OH and Monday is also my birthday, write that down.
As some of you may have seen on my personal Facebook page earlier, I was having some self-image and self-appreciation issues today. My cousin, who is a really amazing and positive person, has recently come back into my life in a big way and through his help and guidance I've been able to bring my brain into the light, you could say. I've been working on being more positive and loving of myself, but today I had a moment when I wasn't feeling quite so sunny. I was taking Nora for a walk (about 4 miles :) ) and was thinking how great it felt to take an impromptu long walk and get a good sweat and how beneficial it would prove to be, when I passed a parking lot and a swarm of skinny girls with long gorgeous blonde hair, short skirts and high heels stepped out of their car and started walking into a restaurant. The moment I caught sight of them, my entire demeanor dropped and I felt SO negative about myself. I was jealous. I kept thinking to myself, 'man, I wonder what it's like to walk around and look like that all day? Oh, the attention they must get.' Not that I'm some attention-starved whore or anything but let's be honest, every girl likes to hear that they're pretty. My life hasn't exactly been completely void of compliments, I've always been told that I 'have a pretty face' and I'm funny and smart... but the words 'hot', 'sexy' etc were never used to describe me... so it's THAT attention, that which I never received, that I want. My brain/nature is naturally VERY competitive. I want to be the best.. the smartest, the funniest, the best story-teller, the best dressed and - of course - the best looking. I've been working to make all of these things happen and it hurts greatly when an instance such as today occurs and I'm quickly thrown into reality and realize just how far I still have to go.
I had drinks with a friend last weekend and we were talking about body image and it made me realize quite a few things... and just how ignorant we, as a people, really are. My friend is a petite size 2/4, really attractive/funny/smart - the whole package. It was pretty stunning to me to hear how many issues she had with her own body. And she was stunned to hear that being overweight, you have to think/worry about things that the 'normal-sized' person doesn't... like whether or not a bracelet will fit your larger wrist! (this particular point was discussed in detail) Up until recently it never occured to me that a person such as my dear friend would have any reason to have issues with their body... but then I remembered, every person has grown up in their body, and that's the body that they know. We all see our own imperfections far more blatantly than an innocent by-stander. She grew up skinny so she has no reason to think to check the length of a bracelet before trying it on or pay attention to the distance between the table and seat-back in a booth at a restaurant... I don't know how to live my life without immediately thinking of those things. Our minds play cruel tricks on us and our eyes will emphasize something that may not be noticeable at all to others. One thing that my cousin has mentioned multiple times is simply postive self-talk. Wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love you. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable of accomplishing whatever is set in front of you. It's easy to say these things, the hard part comes with believing what you're saying. I'm going to be adding this ritual into my day, and hope that it will help me stay positive.
Anyway! Aside from everything I've mentioned above, this summer is turning out to be a beautiful one! I'm getting to spend so much more time with my Nora and we're both loving it. I decided that I want this summer to be the best one yet so it's up to me to make that happen! And that's exactly what I plan to do. :)
Thank you for your patience and sorry for the rambling... I'm looking forward to having some sort of a normal schedule/life again, including the documentation of my Losing Path for you dear readers. :)
Until Monday, my friends...
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
4/3/12
Hello there! It’s a happy Tuesday in my world because I have tomorrow and Thursday off of work! Nothing like an extra weekend in the work week! J
Last night we didn’t do much… I got Nora and we went to dinner with Andi and her mom (I shared veggie fajitas with Nora and had some rice & beans) and then we went home and read some books and got ready and went to bed… I could not sleep AT ALL last night but I have still managed to survive the day without Starbucks! I had gotten into a really bad habit of drinking at least 1 vanilla soy latte nearly everyday and I’m trying to cut the caffeine out of my diet again. Much easier said than done when I’m averaging probably 4 hours or less of sleep a night L
Anyway…
Food Today
Breakfast
½ c granola w/ ¼ c light soymilk
Fresh fruit/veggie juice
Snack
½ c fruit & nut trail mix
Lunch
Black bean salad
Chips and salsa (I tried to resist, I promise…)
Snack
Protein tofu
Dinner
TBD – cooking for 1 tonight but I am determined to cook something so I have lunches for the next few days as well!
My plan for this evening is to jog to the gym, do some upperbody weight training and then jog home. That’s my plan. I’m super tired and don’t really have the energy to do it but I’m realllly going to try to get my ass there!
Tomorrow I plan on working out again in the morning and then I’m going to see Titanic in 3D! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it! We’re getting dressed up and having mimosas! If you know me at all, you know how absolutely obsessed I am with this movie and you understand my excitement lol. If you don’t know me, let me just tell you, I am OBSESSED with this movie! It’s actually the only girly-romantic movie that I like… and I like it hard.
Anyway, that’s about all I have for today… I’ll try to update tomorrow with a gleeful report of how great my workouts were tonight and tomorrow morning! J
Until then….
Monday, April 2, 2012
4/2/12
Annnd it’s Monday again! Funny how it always comes back around…
The weekend wasn’t as active as I had hoped… crappy weather on Saturday and a baby shower that I almost forgot about on Sunday put a damper on my plans of hiking with miss Nora.
It was a relatively uneventful weekend…
Friday after work I got Nora and we went home and made mushroom and black bean tacos for dinner and then played a bit and went to bed.
Saturday, miss Nora and I both slept in (needed!) and then we went grocery shopping and ran some errands then over to my parents’ house to watch the UK game. For dinner, I ate some pizza (bad, I know!). Obviously it was a cheese-less veggie pizza, but the crust was pretty oily. And I may or may not have had a few beers during the game. (emphasis on may)
Sunday, Nora and I got up, I made a big pitcher of juice for the week, my granola and some vegan banana cranberry bread! Then I cleaned house, did some laundry and we got ready and went to my cousin’s baby shower. No formal exercise but I did spend about 20 minutes catching/throwing toddlers and then Nora and I walked down to the park and I dominated some monkey bars… turns out, they’re pretty damn hard!
Last night for dinner I had a grilled Portobello burger on WW bun, grilled asparagus, cherry tomatoes and onions and some grilled pineapple for dessert! Needless to say, dinner was AMAZING. I LOVE grilling season so much!!
Food Today
Breakfast
½c granola w/ some blueberries and light soy milk
Snack
½ c fruit & nut trail mix
Lunch
Carrots & roasted pine nut hummus
Snack
Protein tofu
Dinner
Going out for Mexican with miss Andi and Nora J
So I’m a little confused with my scale right now…. On Saturday morning I was really excited because it told me that I lost around 5 pounds last week! (putting me down to 226) So I was pumped and put it on facebook and blah blah… then I weighed myself yesterday morning and it said that I was at 237?! I have a hard time believing that I gained 11 pounds overnight. I’m hoping that there was just something wrong and I’ll try again later this week lol. Regardless, I know I’ve been eating a lot less (however, drinking more) and I did actually workout last week so… ? I don’t know. I stopped worrying too greatly about the number on the scale some time ago, but it is nice to see the numbers go down… and they really haven’t in a while. I’m ready to get back to the downward cycle.
I’m having trouble with… well, life in general right now. I mentioned briefly in my last post that I’m feeling really out-of-place with everything in life and I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere, and that is still completely accurate. I’ve been really depressed lately, especially as of the last week, and I don’t know what to do about it. My brain is craving a giant road trip with the windows down and music up… but I’m thinking that’s not going to happen for like…. Oh, I don’t know, 16 years? I want to go hiking/camping but fear that I may die in the wilderness so that’s probably not a good idea… I just don’t know what to do with my brain. I feel like being in northern Kentucky is clouding my mind and I need some freaking clarity! I have headaches nearly constantly and I’m really tired all of the time. I just want to feel normal and healthy again. One of these days….
So, after that uplifting and motivating schpeel… I believe it’s time for me to head out today.
Until tomorrow…
Friday, March 30, 2012
3/30/12
Holy Happy Friday! I’m so excited for the weekend! Well, just to not be working, really. Ha!
Not a ton to report today… last night I had 3 pretzel sticks from Cock n Bull (if you’ve had them, you understand my succumbing to the temptation) after work and then had a little left over spaghetti from the other night. Nora and I didn’t do much, she was a very sleepy little girl so we kept it pretty simple. J
Of course, no gym this morning. The weather is looking pretty good for the weekend though so I’m going to try to get in as much as exercise as I can!
Food Today
Breakfast
Organic/vegan fruit & nut clusters
Snack
Fruit & nut trail mix
Lunch
Carrots & hummus
Snack
Nothing
Dinner
TBD
Um I’m sure you can understand why I’m freaking hungry right now. I had almost no time to pack lunch this morning so I just grabbed some stuff…
I’m not sure what Nora and I will be doing for dinner tonight, we’ll see what she’s in the mood for! J
I’ve been feeling pretty down lately. This whole ‘find yourself’ thing is much harder than I anticipated. My whole life I’ve had this lingering feeling that I just don’t fit in anywhere… and as an adult I still feel the same. I always try to adapt my personality/hobbies/habits to the group of people I want to be surrounded by, but that obviously never works out because I’m just lying to myself. I’ve discovered that I’m really bad at being alone, hence the reason I’ve been filling more of my time than I should with partying these days. I’d love to be surrounded by like-minded people but I’m still trying to figure out what MY mind is like… so that’s making things a bit more difficult. I’ve always been incredibly impressionable (and this is one of the reasons for my separation) and I’m trying to work on that, among many other things. My mind is pretty confused right now and it’s making it only that much more difficult to maintain focus on my path to weightloss and overall health. I’m hoping that I can get this worked out relatively quickly… but I also know that something as important as one’s own identity should be given adequate time. Ugh. My brain is exhausted.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to what should be a nice weekend with my little girl! I have some time off of work and I’m considering taking a trip somewhere by myself, I feel like my brain will thank me.
We’ll see…
Have a great weekend, blog world!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
3/29/12
Happy Thursday!
Yesterday was a good day – sorry I didn’t get to post, I was with Nora all day and didn’t have much down time!
Brief recap:
I went to the gym and did another upper body workout – focus on the front of the body this time. Not really any cardio, just a 5 minute warmup on the elliptical. I did that in the morning and then in the evening I went on a 3ish mile fast walk with a friend on a nice and hilly path! It was awesome!
Food yesterday wasn’t much… protein shake and peanut butter & banana sandwich for breakfast, a bit of trail mix snack, veggie sandwich on WW bread and chips (shame!) for lunch, then some carrots and hummus for snack and no dinner. I made a pretty poor decision last night and went to a bar and drank WAY too much and stayed up WAY too late and I’ve been regretting it all day! Somehow, I didn’t over-sleep for work but I certainly didn’t make it to the gym this morning. I have Nora tonight through Monday night so I probably won’t be going back to the gym at all this weekend but, providing that the weather is nice, I’m going to try to get as much walking/hiking with Nora in as I can!
The food today hasn’t been great. I’m hungover and was in a rush this morning so I had some corn tortilla chips and coffee for breakfast and a black bean salad for lunch. I know, I know. I’m not sure what Nora and I will be having for dinner, possibly just some leftover pasta that she loved so much!
I am really excited that the weather is turning and it’s a great time to be outdoors! I love the summer so much and am looking forward to this one especially. J
Just a quick post today – almost time to go home!
Until tomorrow J
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