3/30/12

Holy Happy Friday! I’m so excited for the weekend! Well, just to not be working, really. Ha!

Not a ton to report today… last night I had 3 pretzel sticks from Cock n Bull (if you’ve had them, you understand my succumbing to the temptation) after work and then had a little left over spaghetti from the other night. Nora and I didn’t do much, she was a very sleepy little girl so we kept it pretty simple. J

Of course, no gym this morning. The weather is looking pretty good for the weekend though so I’m going to try to get in as much as exercise as I can!

Food Today

Breakfast

Organic/vegan fruit & nut clusters

Snack

Fruit & nut trail mix

Lunch

Carrots & hummus

Snack

Nothing

Dinner

TBD

Um I’m sure you can understand why I’m freaking hungry right now. I had almost no time to pack lunch this morning so I just grabbed some stuff…

I’m not sure what Nora and I will be doing for dinner tonight, we’ll see what she’s in the mood for! J

I’ve been feeling pretty down lately. This whole ‘find yourself’ thing is much harder than I anticipated. My whole life I’ve had this lingering feeling that I just don’t fit in anywhere… and as an adult I still feel the same. I always try to adapt my personality/hobbies/habits to the group of people I want to be surrounded by, but that obviously never works out because I’m just lying to myself. I’ve discovered that I’m really bad at being alone, hence the reason I’ve been filling more of my time than I should with partying these days. I’d love to be surrounded by like-minded people but I’m still trying to figure out what MY mind is like… so that’s making things a bit more difficult. I’ve always been incredibly impressionable (and this is one of the reasons for my separation) and I’m trying to work on that, among many other things. My mind is pretty confused right now and it’s making it only that much more difficult to maintain focus on my path to weightloss and overall health. I’m hoping that I can get this worked out relatively quickly… but I also know that something as important as one’s own identity should be given adequate time. Ugh. My brain is exhausted.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to what should be a nice weekend with my little girl! I have some time off of work and I’m considering taking a trip somewhere by myself, I feel like my brain will thank me.

We’ll see…

Have a great weekend, blog world!

3/29/12

Happy Thursday!

Yesterday was a good day – sorry I didn’t get to post, I was with Nora all day and didn’t have much down time!

Brief recap:

I went to the gym and did another upper body workout – focus on the front of the body this time. Not really any cardio, just a 5 minute warmup on the elliptical. I did that in the morning and then in the evening I went on a 3ish mile fast walk with a friend on a nice and hilly path! It was awesome!

Food yesterday wasn’t much… protein shake and peanut butter & banana sandwich for breakfast, a bit of trail mix snack, veggie sandwich on WW bread and chips (shame!) for lunch, then some carrots and hummus for snack and no dinner. I made a pretty poor decision last night and went to a bar and drank WAY too much and stayed up WAY too late and I’ve been regretting it all day! Somehow, I didn’t over-sleep for work but I certainly didn’t make it to the gym this morning. I have Nora tonight through Monday night so I probably won’t be going back to the gym at all this weekend but, providing that the weather is nice, I’m going to try to get as much walking/hiking with Nora in as I can!

The food today hasn’t been great. I’m hungover and was in a rush this morning so I had some corn tortilla chips and coffee for breakfast and a black bean salad for lunch. I know, I know. I’m not sure what Nora and I will be having for dinner, possibly just some leftover pasta that she loved so much!

I am really excited that the weather is turning and it’s a great time to be outdoors! I love the summer so much and am looking forward to this one especially. J

Just a quick post today – almost time to go home!

Until tomorrow J

3/27/12

Ohhh good day, fair readers.

I woke up today in less of a panic than yesterday (remembered to set my alarm) but still not in a great mood. I’ve been pretty down/depressed all day and I don’t like it. Merp.

Food Today

Breakfast

Oatmeal w/ raisins, cinnamon & blackberries

Snack

Giant soy latte from starbucks (necessary, I promise)

Lunch

Carrots & hummus

Snack

Protein Tofu

Dinner

TBD

Last night I made some really yummy spaghetti for dinner! It was kind of cheating b/c most of it came from a can or jar but the combination was yum!

½ box Whole Wheat Spaghetti, cooked as normal

1 jar Emeril’s Roasted Gaaahlic Spaghetti Sauce

1 can Kroger Italian diced tomatoes, slightly drained

½ jar marinated mushrooms (in olive oil and garlic)

½ jar roasted red & yellow peppers, chopped

½ jar marinated artichoke hearts, chopped

-          Toss it all together and party!

I served it w/ whole wheat Naan bread that I brushed w/ EVOO, sprinkled sea salt and granulated garlic and baked at 400 for a few minutes..

I’m leaving work in a few minutes and we have a little going away happy hour for a few people that are leaving the company… but I really want to workout tonight so I’m going to just have some water, chat for a bit and then head home to get my sweat on! I’m going to (again) attempt to run to the gym, workout, then run home. Hopefully with better results than the last attempt!

Well, that’s all I have for today. Until tomorrow!

3/26/12

Hello! Sorry about the lack of post Friday… I committed to it before I remembering that I don’t have internet at my apartment just yet! Oops… getting that hooked up today. J

I didn’t have Nora this weekend and I’m still getting used to this whole being alone thing… It’s much harder than I anticipated. I really don’t like being in my apartment by myself so, rather than doing something productive like going to the gym, I drank. A lot. Aside from walking around the city in 4” heels Saturday night, there wasn’t much exercise happening. I will say that I didn’t eat terribly, mostly because I didn’t really eat that much. This coming weekend I have Nora and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for good weather! I’d love to be able to take some walks with her or maybe even go on a little hiking adventure, but of course that’s all sky-dependant.

Food Today

Breakfast:

½ c granola w/ ¼ c light soy milk and blueberries

Snack:

Roasted pine nut hummus w/ baby carrots

Lunch:

Black bean salad and chips and salsa

Snack:

Probably nothing, I’m still super full from lunch!

Dinner:

Spaghetti

I found a recipe on Pinterest for Smoked Sweet Potato Hummus and… good god. It. Is. Amazing. I’ve already gone through 2 batches!

So delicious and super simple to make! Give her a shot…. I don’t really measure when I make things like hummus… I just do everything to taste. I made the second batch with a little more chipotle than the first and it was perfect J and I also used lemon juice as opposed to lime because I didn’t have any lime for the 2^nd batch. I ate it with multigrain pita chips and also with pretzel crisps, both amazing!

Well, I’m pretty unhappy with what’s happening with my body right now. I’m not gaining weight and I think that’s in large part to the fact that I’m losing muscle and I’m also eating a lot less than I was (not necessarily a good thing) but where my abs were firming, they’ve reverted back to a ‘softer’ state.. my legs aren’t as toned and my arms are less than attractive. I know that I’m the only one that can correct these things and I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time getting back to working out? It’s not impossible to workout at home, I just don’t do it. And I don’t like working out at night. And I’m just making any excuse possible to replace my exercise with booze. I just need to get control here.

Oy. That’s all I have for today… hopefully tomorrow will be better. On a happier note – I don’t have another full 5day workweek until July! Color me pumped!

Thursday 3/22/12

Hello good neighbors!

Okay, I don’t know why I always think that I’m some super-human and I can defy all powers of addiction and change all bad habits with the snap of my (freshly manicured) fingers, but – I can’t. One of these days I’ll learn to embrace the whole idea of ‘one step at a time’. I didn’t go back to the gym last night, or this morning for that matter. I went shopping last night to get my bathroom accessories and a few other things and then Branden needed me to bring something to him and Nora so by the time I got back to my apartment it was 9pm… and then I still had to hang/put away all of the stuff that I had bought! After that, I cleaned my kitchen, did some laundry and did some organizing and by the time I got to sleep it was almost 1am. Obviously, I wasn’t just sitting on my ass all night so I’m far from saying that I had a ‘lazy night’, but there was no formal exercise. This morning, I woke up and was completely exhausted and did not make it to the gym again. I’m regretting that decision now but it’s a little too late at this point… I would like to say that I am going to take Nora for a walk tonight but I have to go with my boss to a happy hour thing with a customer after work so it all depends on how long that lasts.

Dinner last night was non-existent… I was busy and forgot to eat then by the time I remembered to eat it was almost 11pm and I was exhausted so I didn’t bother.

Food Today

Breakfast

½ c granola w/ ¼ c light soy milk and blueberries

Snack

Roasted pine nut hummus w/ baby carrots

Lunch

WW Penne pasta w/ roasted zucchini, squash, eggplant, onion and cherry tomatoes

Snack

Edamame

Protein Tofu

Dinner

TBD – yet again.

I took the day off of work tomorrow and I’m getting my hair done then spending the rest of the day with my Nora! I’m excited! Not sure what we’re going to do yet, just depends on the weather.

I will be SO excited when my apartment is finally in order and the way I want it. It’s making it really difficult for me to stick to the schedule in mind (workout/meal plan-wise) when I look around and see so many things that need to be done/I want to do. Not to mention the fact that I’m spending way too much money! Ha!

Oh well… I’m just trying to stay positive and hopeful in the thought that things will soon settle down and I can get back to my normal priorities. J

Until tomorrow, friends…

Time to Re-Boot 3/20/12

Man… I don’t even know where to begin! My life has completely turned upside down and on its ass over the last month. I apologize for my lack of blogging… I just wasn’t sure how to explain what was going on and wasn’t comfortable saying anything until the dust had kind of settled and things were in some sort of state of ‘normalcy’ – or as normal as they’re going to get for a while.

Well, here it goes… Branden and I split up. I’m not going to get into much detail about it but there was a lot of hurting on both sides and so we’re taking some time apart. Mostly my decision as I feel I need to take some time to myself to do some soul-searching and really figuring out who the hell I am… because right now, it’s a little fuzzy. SO, I’ve moved into an apartment and he has done the same. This is the first time I’ve ever lived by myself… so every day is a new experience. I’m finding things difficult that I never even considered… like picking a shower curtain or bedding or art or plates! Things that I wasn’t able to decide for myself ever before, is now solely my decision and I’m a bit overwhelmed. Beyond those things, my schedule has obviously changed drastically. This is the first week that we’re doing shared custody of Nora… before now, she’s just been with me almost every night, which means that I can’t workout in the mornings… and then I feel selfish taking an extra hour in the evenings to go workout so… I just haven’t. Now, if everything goes as planned, I will have Nora Monday and Thursday and every other weekend… and he will have her Tuesday and Wednesday and every other weekend. Last night was my first night without her so I cleaned my apartment then jogged to the gym, worked out for about an hour, then jogged home. Holy hell.

The location of my new place is almost exactly 1 ½ miles from the gym… so it’s a nice little jog. I ran there with plans of going to Zumba class but it had been canceled so I quickly threw together an upper-body workout… and I’ll be honest, I got discouraged and only did ½ of the workout. Overall, my workout experience was really disappointing last night. After working SO hard and busting ass to get to the point where I was 2 months ago… and then to go back last night and have such trouble with things that WERE coming very easily, didn’t feel good at all. Even on the jog there, I stopped and walked twice. Now – I will say that the run to the gym is mostly up-hill... so it’s not exactly just an easy course. On the way home, I ran the entire way up until the last GIANT hill and I walked most of that. I was just exhausted by that point. I will also credit my lack of cardio endurance to the fact that with all of the stress lately, I started smoking again. Totally kicking myself in the ass for that and I officially quit again yesterday.

Anyway, here’s what I did while I was at the gym:

EXERCISE	REPS	LBS	REPS	LBS	REPS	LBS
PUSHUP	12	N/A	10	N/A	8	N/A
BENCHPRESS	12	75	10	85	6	95
DB FLYES	12	10	10	12.5
DB FLYE PULSE	12	10	10	12.5
CRUNCHES	50	N/A	50	N/A
6" KILLERS	10	N/A	10	N/A
SINGLE LEG BIKE	10 EA SIDE	N/A	10 EA SIDE	N/A

The bench press is what killed it for me. On the last set that I did, I couldn’t even finish all 8 reps. And actually, a guy had to help me get the bar back on the rack (freaking embarrassing!) I was so discouraged after that, I just left and ran home like a little baby. I’m glad that I completed what I did… and that I also know where I stand. My new goal is to work on cardio/running and get that back up to where I want it and then I’ll start incorporating the heavy weights again. For now, I’m just going to keep it to lower weights and higher reps for more calorie burn. Also – I’m in my cousin’s wedding in May and have to wear a strapless dress so I’m going to be focusing a lot on upperbody!

Food is another thing that has proven to be a bit of a challenge… not so much what to eat, I know what to eat and I’ve been keeping my nutrition pretty clean, aside from a few hungover bad decisions. The issue is that now I’m pretty much cooking for one person so finding the motivation to cook an entire wholesome meal is a bit harder than I planned. But I know that if I want to continue to be successful in my path and well-nourished along the way, it’s just something that I have to do. And I’ll just have lunches for the week. J

That being said, here’s my meal plan for today:

Breakfast:

½ cup Granola w/ ¼ c light soy milk and some blueberries

Snack:

Oatmeal w/ raisins, cinnamon and blackberries

Lunch:

I brought leftover pasta but I’m kind of over it… I might go get a black bean salad or something

Snack:

Protein Tofu

Alternate Snack:

In case I’m hungry I also brought carrots and roasted pine nut hummus. YUM!

Dinner:

TBD – possibly pineapple rice w/ roasted brussel sprouts and cherry tomatoes? Or Portobello burgers with sweet potato fries? Hm… we’ll see. J

So the first post of this blog was on March 2, 2011. I’ve surpassed 1 year of blogging and wow, how things have changed. Not just with the most recent relationship changes but everything from the way I workout, my nutritional lifestyle, my confidence – everything – has changed! All for the better, I think! I’m really happy with the progress that I’ve made and I can’t wait to see where I stand in March 2013! I’ve lost right around 70 pounds over the last year and hopefully I can do that again this upcoming year! I want to continue to improve with running and really start toning. I just want to take better care of myself overall! Focus on my appearance, better clothes, taking care of my hair/nails/skin… and working on my inner self too.

Well I know I missed picture day again but here’s a picture from after my workout last night (just cheesin’ J) and another from just a minute ago… don’t mind the bathroom pics lol.

Thank you so much to everyone for all of the support that you’ve given me over the last year. Things in 2012 are bound to be quite different but I still have the same goal in mind: a smaller, healthier me… a good example to set for my sweet little girl and making sure that I’m around as long as possible. J Here’s to another year down The Losing Path.

This is my first picture from April, 2011:

And this is me today, March 20, 2012:

Aaand after my workout :):

That's all for today... until tomorrow, fair readers. :)