The Brain is Connected to the Back Bone 03/27/14

Let’s be honest, this injury isn’t my first rodeo. If I inherited anything from my father, I inherited the bull in him. I’m heavy handed, hard on my body and when I decide I want something, I put 700% of myself into that thing – sometimes to a fault – all leaving me with a pretty hefty tolerance for pain. I’ve had two knee surgeries leaving me with two screws in my right knee, one shoulder surgery, a broken ankle, countless strains and sprains and more cuts, burns and bruises than I would ever care to count. However, this injury is different. All of my prior incidents have had an end in sight and I’ve understood the injured mechanism and knew how to work around it. Sure, I still have days where my knee bothers me or I may sleep funny and leave my shoulder sore, but I know that it is temporary and I’ll be back to me shortly. This one is different.

This injury has proven to be so much more than just physical. The first week of March was the absolute worst week I have ever had in my life. Simple movements would leave me shivering and sobbing in pain; I couldn’t walk without crutches and even with them I was still sobbing harder with every step. My mom had to pull up my pants for me in the bathroom because I couldn’t bend down to do it – and I could rarely even use the restroom once I got in there because the pain of sitting upright was so immense that the rest of my body just shut down. I remember lying on the couch thinking that my life was over. I couldn’t even fathom getting back to any form of normalcy considering how terrible the pain was… how much my body wasn’t working – or how much it was working against me.

Things have improved considerably over the past two weeks in regards to my physical condition, but my mind is still struggling. Before hurting my back, my body was so fucking strong. I was doing awesome at work, I could lift more than a lot of guys at my gym and I had a desire to be so much more and so much better than I was. Now all of that – everything that meant SO MUCH to me – seems so far out of reach. I cry because I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Other than Nora, my entire life was work and working out… and now I can’t do either of those things, or even pick up my baby girl. I’ve spent the last three weeks on the couch while lives are happening all around me. I slept upstairs in my bed for the first time last night with Nora and she woke up in the middle of the night screaming and crying because she wanted to sleep with my mom… because she’s slept with her for the last three weeks. I just feel pretty useless right now. My chiropractor warned that it was easy to get depressed with injuries like this because it can be so frustrating and feel so hopeless – and it effects every part of the body. He keeps stressing how important it is to stay positive and hopeful so the negativity doesn’t cause regression with the recovery process… but that is far easier said than done. As I still struggle to walk at times, I have a hard time imagining my life or my body ever being back to normal. I fear that I won’t be able to run again. I fear that I won’t be able to go hiking with Nora. I fear that I will have to change my career. I fear that a simple movement will throw me back into the excruciating pain I experienced just two weeks ago. I have never been one to let the challenges of my body hold me back from doing anything, and I feel like I’m succumbing to the fear of the pain.

Despite all of the negative aspects of this injury, I have discovered some positive to hold onto. Never in my life have I been so appreciative of the simple things. The ability to walk, to drive, to stand, to bend, to run, to jump, to dance. Never again will I take for granted the ability to function without pain. Never again will I waste a day of physical freedom by sitting lazily. It has certainly put things into perspective and I find myself getting annoyed much easier when I hear people complain about silly things or see people lamenting about insignificant things on Facebook. I can’t help but want to say to them, “Yes, but can you walk? Okay, shut the fuck up.”

I know it will get better and I’m on the path to recovery… I’m just waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Confined to Recline 03/18/14

Well, here I am… on the couch. The last two weeks of my life have been confined to a reclined position. As many of my followers know, I have been having back issues since an injury in October, 2013: I was doing deadlifts at the gym and in standing up on one of my reps, I felt a very sharp pain in my lower back. I immediately racked the bar, and stepped away, as I knew something wasn’t right. I went over to the dumbbell rack and attempted to do bent over delt flyes, but didn’t last through more than two reps without severe pain. At that point, I gave up. Not knowing what was happening with my back or really what to do to help it, I decided to sit in the sauna for 30 minutes – thinking that would help to loosen things up and I could just stretch it out and be good as new. Boy was I wrong. I got out of the sauna, took a shower and got dressed... and at that point I knew something was really wrong. I limped out of the gym, went to my house and immediately lay on the floor and started sobbing. That day, I ended up going to the chiropractor and spending the rest of the day laying on ice packs and taking copious amounts of ibuprofen, ginger and turmeric. After about two weeks of rest and eventually getting back to my workouts, I ran the Tough Mudder race.

Over the course of the next few months, I experienced similar experiences two more times; once while doing squats and another while doing bent barbell rows. Neither of these occasions was as severe as the first, but still put me out of commission for a bit. Growing very frustrated, and with the advice of my training partner, I eventually decided to give my body a rest. Beginning on a Tuesday, I vowed to take 6 weeks off of lifting and just work to strengthen that which was ailing me – my back (and also my hip – due to my back). That Saturday, I woke up for the first time in a long time with almost no pain at all! I felt awesome! I went to work, worked in the kitchen all day and then worked a party that night. The next morning, I woke up in quite a lot of pain… and pissed off. I went to The Arnold that day so I drove up to Columbus, went to the expo and drove home. The next morning I woke up super stiff and in more pain. I worked for a few hours then went to the chiropractor for an adjustment… then Tuesday happened. I woke up Tuesday morning in excruciating pain, unable to stand up or walk without sobbing and crying. My mom took me to the ER where I was examined by a doctor and had an x-ray. After reviewing the x-rays, the ER doctor then recommended that I go see a spine doctor ASAP as it appeared as if I had significant damage via herniated disc(s) and some other wear-and-tear. I left the hospital with Percocet, an anti-inflammatory and steroids. The next few days were absolutely horrendous – the most intense and severe pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. A trip to and from the bathroom (on crutches) would leave me sobbing and shaking in pain.

I got in to see the doctor that week and had an MRI. Turns out, I have two herniated discs – one of which is “pretty massive,” according to my doctor. I had one steroid injection into my spine and have since been doing decompression therapy with a chiropractor. Unfortunately, I’m not noticing much of a difference. I’m still on crutches, still can’t sleep. I would say that some of the inflammation has gone down as the pain isn’t as severe as it was (I can usually get to the bathroom without tears) – but a lot of that is my figuring out the appropriate Percocet schedule to keep me comfortable.

So what does this mean for my life? Honestly, I’m not sure. The ER doctor suggested that I would have to give up heavy weightlifting forever. That hurt to hear. I know that this is going to be something I will have to be mindful of for the rest of my life – but I do hope to get back into my training at some point.

My goal for right now is to get the problem resolved and regain the strength in my back. Having a young and strong body going into the injury should work to my benefit in regards to recovery… I’m just ready to get to recovering already!

 

So what does it feel like? I have a dull aching in my lower back with a pinpoint pain at the spot of the herniation… however, the real pain is in my right leg. I have constant pain radiating all through my leg. Debilitating pain. It goes from my hip all the way down the front of my leg to my ankle, and sometimes the top of my foot. The constant pain feels like a strong ache, and then I have waves of shooting/burning pains that are typically focused in my shin and ankle. The last couple of days I’ve gotten a new one where there’s a huge amount of pain focused directly around my ankle and it seriously just feels like my ankle is broken. But again, this all comes in waves… so the intense pains will last for 5-10 minutes and then it goes back to the regular ache. One thing I can say for sure – I have had multiple muscle issues… torn meniscus, stretched shoulder capsule, strains and sprains etc as well as broken bones… but NOTHING compares to the pain of a damaged nerve. This shit is serious.

 

So how can you keep your back safe? There are a few things I’ve picked up over the last few months that I will most certainly be continuing to practice for the rest of my life:

1. Stretch! It is so important to be flexible. If you don’t maintain flexibility in your muscles and spine, you become far more susceptible to injury! A stiff body is more easily damaged. So do some yoga or at the very least, make sure that you are working in the time to each workout for a warm-up and a pre and post workout stretch!

2. Be Mindful that your back is there! After my injury, I started paying much closer attention to my back and spine and how I was treating it... and I noticed that I was really just ignoring it. Pay attention to your posture, whether you’re sitting or standing, moving or still. Always keep your tail bone tucked under and your core engaged, putting your spine in a neutral position and creating a trunk of strength to support any movement you attempt. Always squat, rather than bend at the waist and when you’re standing up, push through your heels to engage your hamstrings/butt more than your lower back. Practice by standing still and tucking your hips under… feel the difference in your spine! It takes practice and you’ll have to think about it but it is so worth it!

3. Strengthen your core! The best support system for your back is your core muscles! If your core is weak, your back will have to compensate and can easily be damaged. Remember to work all parts of your core doing exercises targeting upper and lower abdominals as well as your obliques.

 

Well, it’s about lunch time here in couch land, so I’m going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading and continuing to support me. As I lay here with all of this extra time on my hands, feel free to ask any questions or suggest any blog topics about which you would like to read!

 

Keep it happy and healthy, folks! Until next time…